Well tonight, we had a combined cell visit to The Chapel to check out the college social scene in UA! When we got there, we were instantly lost as to how to even get to the place! After a quest of many halls, we finally found ourselves smack in the middle of the college scene. I’ll admit, I feel a bit intimidated at first. The tribalism is there when I’m at an entirely new social scene, but the Lord freed me of it, and I was able to get some info from the college dudes before the teaching began. I met the pastor there and he said about 150 college dudes are concrete members. He says the average attendance is about 300 every thursday, which isn’t bad. I’m just thinking that seems kinda low for the gigantic church, The Chapel. A lot of college dudes go in and out he said.
The teaching started out pretty much how I was expecting it to. Plenty of singing to make your mind go numb! (No offense). I’m just not much of a gospel singer, which is odd because I love to sing. I guess I just find it irrelevant in the sense that I don’t much knowledge from it, or perhaps I just like sitting down the whole time, like at school. It does me some good to sing every once in a while, I guess. The teaching itsel was interesting to say in the least. It was odd. I couldn’t fully understand what the whole message was. He presented two options in choosing what we’d want to do. Painting this beautiful painting across an entire church (forgot the name of it), or helping the pastor paint his down-graded garage. I thought it would be much more serving to help him out with the garage rather then just wallowing in my self-brilliance in painting. He was trying to make a different point, in that we should strive to be able to paint the church, something that is beautiful, and it lasts forever. The garage would only last a couple more years. I guess it makes sense… I was thinking being a steward of Christ to others would be what we wanted to strive towards, not basking in the glory of our own creation, but I think he was trying to paint a picture for the beauty of heaven. What things will be like past this life, which is cool. The Word wasn’t heavily relied on, and it was serious throughout the whole teaching… No comic relief anywhere! It was pretty tough to sit through, but we did manage to sing a song at the end! They always brighten the mood! Haha… I’m such an evil mel! My sarcasm is going to ruin me one day! Haha.
An Absence of God’s Rest
Well after the whole shbeal with the chapel, we went around campus looking for the parties. We didn’t find many, and what we did they weren’t very partying. As much as I’d like to disagree with Keith, Akron is much of a partying campus. Not many college dudes are out and about. We headed over to Taco Hell to grab some grub and have a party of our own. It was a blast! I really love these dudes in our fellowship. I am truly blessed to be a part of this group of dudes who give a shit about me, even though it involves agitating me in every possible way. I gotta be grateful for that, though, because I’d be super uptight if they didn’t help me to loosen up, at least a little bit. When we got back to Kyle’s, I drove Greg back home and then headed home myself.
So, Greg pointed out to me something he noticed. He pointed out that it seems like I’ve been without Joy, without God’s rest. I gave my usual response to a deep and sensitive question. The “I don’t know, I don’t think so, possibly… I don’t know.” It’s really ambiguous and pointless to say because it’s very vague and passive. His point, though, is right. I’m not living in God’s rest; I’ve been living in confusion, isolation, and anger.
A couple of weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a very hard decision to make because my emotions made every attempt to cloud my judgment. I didn’t ‘guard my heart’ I willingly gave it away. It was a stupid decision. It became apparent to me that I royally fucked up with my relationship, and it had to end before I tied into her even more. The Lord gave me his strength and courage though, and we ended it. It was a relieving experience the next couple days, but over the weeks I feel lonely. It’s completely irrational because I have so many relationships that provide me with fruit and love.
Fallenness Sucks!
This past weekend, we went to look at a house in Kent. It was a real blast! The house had an enormous family room, which would be perfect for doing ministry, but it’s in Kent, and I’m going to Akron. When I told my parents we were looking at Kent too, they didn’t like it, at all. I got in a huge argument with them about it, trying to explain why Kent was a viable reason to be looking into, but they still thought Akron was the way to go all the way. It left me feeling confused about everything with college. I didn’t know what to major in anymore. I didn’t know who to trust in, my parents or Keith. I began to feel like I was being manipulated by others. I just wanted to start a ministry house; I didn’t care where or how. I felt like my thoughts and ideas had no purpose. I, honestly, felt like a drone, just doing what I’m told. I still feel a bit like that. I feel pushed, but I have no basis for my judgment. My emotions fuck up the truth. The devil has been playing his cards, and he’s been winning some hands.
I need prayers, our upcoming college ministry needs prayers for its direction. I’ve been working on my memory verses, and they’ve been helping a lot. I’m struggling with having a thankful heart, because gratitude is the difference between life and death for me… Read my Laws of Life Paper! It’s on one of these blogs! Thanks for reading guys. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ. They all play very significant roles in my life, and I could go on forever about how grateful I am. I really hope we get a ministry house this year, living with these guys is going to be one of the greatest experiences of my life; though, it’s going to suck ass all through it! Haha…