Well, last weekend I went to see my brothers in Columbus. If you know me, I am not the first person to say, “Yippee! I get to hang out with my family!” Though, I will be honest. I have a wonderful family, and they have helped lead my life towards the Lord. I just like to hang out with my BOC rather then my family that’s all. Sometimes that’s a problem because I really should invest some time into my family for the time they have invested in me. Anyways, let’s continue with how the trip went…
Weekend Family Fling
My parents, little brother Josh, and I head down to C-Bus to visit my bros. There’s one thing I love about long drives and that is I get to read. In the past, I have always just listened to my music player and mellowed out to my music. After my trip to Florida last Spring Break, I have learned to enjoy reading on long drives (and sleeping), so now I am much more appreciative of reading and have learned a lot of things because of it. I was reading my copy of Dennis McCallum’s Walking in Victory which I didn’t have a chance to read in a while. Every time I open that book, I always learn something worthwhile, really worthwhile! It’s help to put many questions I have had about how to keep the right mind set, when I am being too works-orientated, and how I can put my focus on the Lord appropriately and effectively. Plus it always helps me put in perspective some arguments I have had with my mom in the past. I was reading a chapter that covered Walking in the Spirit and how to avoid legalism and formalism. It was so cool! Well anyways, if you ever have questions on how to orient and effective relate to the Lord, Walking in Victory has a lot of good pointers!
Finally, we reach C-Bus after a 2-hour drive. I got to see my brother Bryan’s apartment. Bryan works at OSU as a dorm director. Not too shabby of a place, pretty old. Bryan is a pretty cool guy, he is a man of the Lord. He’s done a lot of ministry in college, and he definitely has a grasp on what it means to have a relationship with Christ. In the past, I was pretty jealous of him. He always did well in school, had many friends, and had the right direction in his life. Now that I take my identity from Christ rather then from the people around me, I don’t have to be jealous because the Lord already sees me as perfect (I finally got that recently!). I’d like to dive into that for a sec…
Facing the Failures
Well I have been recently began to understand certain things about myself that I have always struggled with. Usually, whenever I am faced with fucking up I would always get utterly depressed, feeling like I failed my brothers and sisters around me. I encountered this a lot with past dealings with Stephen and Mike. Whenever I would make a big mistake, again and again I would always get angry with myself. I’d repent to the Lord about how fucked up I am, but I would never feel like that mistake has been put in the past. Past struggles often linger in the back of my mind, and it would affect my ability to relate with God, my BOC, and I would sometimes become overly obsessed with my mistakes.
Something happened recently, however. It wasn’t the fact that I stepped up and decided to accept my failures because I could never get past my failures on my own, not with how pessimistic I can be. I sacrificed a lot of time for the Lord, working on my teaching on Radical versus Convenient faith. Whenever I dive into the Lord’s word, one thing always hits me. The Lord is always the loving one. Looking at Lot, he always turned from the Lord even when he rescued his ass from certain doom! So many turn from God, and how do their lives turn out? They live lives of tragedy and uselessness… Compared to Abraham, Lot was a nobody! We don’t have to be like Lot; we can learn from his mistakes….
I realize what really matters, God’s grace. Another part of Walking in Victory was the reasoning of the Law. Did you know, the law is meant to make us sin? Why the fuck would God put something like the Law as a tool for us to sin? Maybe I phrase that wrong, and correct me if I did, but what I mean to say is why give us something that makes us want to sin? The answer is plain and simple: we aren’t able to keep the law. We never will be able to do it! Trying to keep the law’s commands means you’re trying to get God’s acceptance yourself. That isn’t how you do it at all! The law is not meant for us to try and keep its rules and commandments, but to realize that we can’t keep his commandments on our own! It’s impossible! So why make that clear? Because it shows us that we can’t depend on ourselves! We need to accept God’s gift of grace to gain his acceptance! God’s grace is his son’s death on the Cross for our sins. Living by the fact that Christ died for us is how it’s done! We gotta get over our pride and get the big picture! We aren’t perfect and we never will be… So why sulk over it? When you got a loving God who gave his son for you? (John 3:16) The Classic!
Continuing the Weekend Fam Fling…
The entire weekend I was actually talking with my parents about spiritual things! I was actually relating with them on a serious level, or more serious then before. It was a cool step taking, and I realize that I am changing in my personality. I know that 4 years ago I was a completely different guy. I was a snobby, ungrateful, hyper-sensitive prick! Well, I still am today, but I have changed much for the better! And to actually be able to cross the one boundary and relating with my parents on the same level as equals… Wow is all I can say.
My Family’s First Taste of Xenos
On Sunday, we decided to check out a Xenos CT in C-Bus. I had to admit, it was a little odd taking my family to a church that has been used by Lord so much in my life, and they still had the small formalist tendencies like dressing nice and sitting in your seat, standing up to sing, and then sitting down for the teaching, and then standing back up for more singing! Well anyways, I was also over-joyed to see them come. Even though it was my first actual CT in Columbus, I was really syced for my parents’ experience then mine because I knew how things worked. The teaching was on Elijah and challenging the priests of Baal. It was pretty interesting. It got on topics of religious relativism…
Well after the teaching, my family enjoyed it a lot. It made me pretty glad to see my parents enjoyed it. I know my mom enjoys singing, but she said she’d go to Xenos if she ever moved to C-Bus! My brother says he thought it was cool too. It would be cool to have Bryan in the C-Bus Xenos. Then whenever we go down there for XSI I could visit him and hang out with him at XSI! What I’m really praying for, though, is my brother, Kevin’s, salvation. He enjoyed the conversations we had at Max & Erma’s. I was glad to be able to do a little bit of witnessing to Kevin through discussing the Bible with Bryan and Dad. I know he’s deep in the kosmos right now with schoolwork and the liberal environment. My heart goes out to Kevin, so I’m praying that some C-Bus guys from Xenos who are at CCAD get in there with him! So I’m hoping I can somehow get a hold of some college people down there… Hopefully sooner then later.
After that, we didn’t do much. I’m ready to head home and get some laundry done before the day is over. A lot of things are happening lately, I’m praying for continuing to grow and relate to these guys in my cell and giving the gospel to my outreach. My goal for the school year is really to just to continue to grow in my knowledge of the word and to help bring someone to a relationship with Christ. The Lord is changing me, and I gotta say… I’m fucking ready for what’s next!
Well I am a bit late on this but last week on July 18-20 I went to the Xenos Summer Institute in C-bus, Ohio. I gotta say that it was pretty much a blast all in all. It’s just a really cool thing to be able to have an opportunity for some real spiritual insight from very well-known Christians. It was draining, no doubt, because of all the teachings I had to sit through, but it was all worth it, every second. I also got to hang out with the few buddies I knew from C-bus Xenos, Kate and Alex. I actually made some a few new friends too, Rachel and Zoe. I’m slowing becoming more aware to the peeps down in C-bus so that was cool… Though now its getting harder to leave!
I think the coolest thing about Xenos is just how its like no other church around. It just shows how cool it is to be able to know Jesus Christ. When I was growing up, I always thought church was the most uncool thing you could be doing. I never really made any relationships with anyone. I felt like a nobody, someone who was easily disposed of. I felt more important at school! It was so hard to deal with; it was the worst day of the week! Then God gave me to Xenos, and man has nothing been more exciting, partying, and truly fulfilling. I was with my friends from school, so I knew them all (well most of them when I joined). We did stuff that was so fun too. I remember all those nights of getting home around 1 am every friday. So many good times, all backed up by real love, by God, though that took me longer to realize. These people love me, and I love them. Slowly I am becoming a mature christian too. Though instead of becoming some religious fanatic, I’m more cool-minded, easier to get along with, more caring and loving of others. Instead of a proud, narrow-minded, condescending person, I’m humbled and trying to edify my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Alright well my take on this year’s XSI was that it was pretty cool. It’s only my second time so I only have one other XSI to compare it too. The teachers there were pretty cool though. I was glad the topic was about building a spiritual community because now I sort of have an idea of what to expect from my HC and myself. I’ve heard a lot about spiritual gifts lately, at XSI and in our own CT’s. I am still not sure what my gift is, though I’d really like to know. The concept of gifts is very interesting. I’ve really never been able to identify gifts, because I’ve never really been exposed to a church that uses all their gifts. Overall all the XSI teachings were cool, but I had a hard time grasping some of the material, so much to take in. I took as many notes as I could but it was still a lot to absorb. It actually weakens my mind trying to take in so much info at once. However, I managed to take some notes so I hope to be able to recount these teachings in the future.
I had some cool experiences during the partying stages of XSI. I actually sat in the same room with Dennis McCallum for more then 10 minutes!!! It was actually scary, I only sat down because I got to talk to Kate. I’m still pretty shy around the Xenoids down in C-bus. Another sweet scene was that Dennis actually told me something to me! He’s just as intimidating as Keith when I first met him! I hung out/slept over at Martha McCallum’s too! Martha and John are really cool too. All the McCallums are a blast! Sometimes I wish I was born as a McCallum; it would have been interesting to see how I turned out. Well anyways, I think I’m close with a wonderous emphasis on my feelings!
So I would just like to thank everyone in Xenos for helping me in my walk with Christ, and you Christ for taking your perfect and all powerful self and dying for my sake. Your love for me is everlasting, and I am so thankful for your sacrifice!