It was the oddest experience I’ve ever had at a Bible study. I met a reverend that was wearing a Rastafarian hat with fake dreadlocks, got to play video games, watched a movie that scared me out of my wits, and encountered a Christian fellowship that would become the biggest part of my life. That was the day I met Xenos.

The following day was a bit woozy, considering I couldn’t sleep the night before. My parents really didn’t take that too well. I spent that next day just thinking about all the fun I had. It even began to puzzle me. Can Christians really have so much fun studying the Bible? All the memories I’ve ever had about Christianity are being forced to go to Church and Sunday school every Sunday. I took it for granted that it had to be the video games and movie that created the exciting atmosphere, but that didn’t bother me because I was all about them. I decided that day that I would keep going. Why miss out on all the fun?

There were also meetings on Saturdays. I was told it was called ‘Chill.’ It somewhat surprised me. Why would you call a Bible study ‘Chill?’ I thought it was really unusual but pretty cool, and so I went to those as well. This time there were many more people, girls and guys, and it was so much fun. One activity was going on a scavenger hunt, and it was a thrilling experience. We drove through all the nearby towns searching for items on a list, and we took pictures in front of hard-to-find signs and of random objects or places. After weeks of fun activities, the question popped back into my head again. Why is this Bible study so fun? The thought soon was drowned away by my own assumptions; it had to be all the activities.

Each and every time I went to the meetings, it was always a blast and an exhilarating time. I became more interested in the Bible teachings as the weeks went on, but I was still primarily excited about the fun stuff, like video games. With each teaching, I began to realize more and more how much of a nuisance I was to the other guys in the group, and how these guys in my Bible study really cared for me. It really hit me; these guys are the best friends anyone could ever ask for! That may seem cliché, but it’s true in its entirety. Nothing has changed my life more than coming around to Xenos. Although it took years, I finally realized through my friendships at Xenos that I was leading my own life on my own terms. I wasn’t in a relationship with God, and he played no role in my life. One night, at a retreat, I began my relationship with God by accepting Christ’s death for mine. I didn’t get a climatic reaction from my decision, but I could tell things were going to turn out much more different.

The one thing I am most grateful for is my friends and companions from Xenos Christian Fellowship. I am especially grateful for my friends: Kyle, Mike, Bryan, Greg, and most of all, Keith. Kyle played the role of “Reality Check” in my life. He always knew when I wanted to do my own thing, and he always challenged me by annoying me, turning off games on me, and many other things that fired up my temper. He was always giving great advice on relationships and tactics in Christian ministry. To this day, he’s been one of my most valuable friends, and I hope that we never lose our friendship and trust in one another.

My dear friend, Mike, was always a challenge to relate to mainly because he was much more sensitive and emotional than anyone else. He is an awesome dude, and he is one of the most enjoyable people to be around. He’s taught me much about being sensitive and tender-hearted to others. We had some very rough times in the past few years with our relationship; however, God used Mike to teach me how much I needed to rely on God in order to preserve and nurture my relationship with him. He’s been a great friend, and we are very open with one another. I am glad he’s been a part of my life.

Bryan has always been to me like a little brother mainly because we’ve grown so close. He is one of the coolest guys I have met. I’ve always been willing to open up with him more than to anyone else my age. He’s been a real comfort to me in my life, and I am so glad he’s been there to help me out whenever he can. He’s also a really good disser, and always gets on my case whenever I am out of line with others and acting selfishly. I look forward to build my relationship with him till the end of time.

Greg has been one of the greatest mentors in my life. He has helped me out with many personal struggles and battles. He’s very wise and practical, and he has been very helpful with helping me become mature and build up others. Greg is like a father to me in many ways, and he’s a very important person in my life.

I could go on forever about my experiences with my friend, Keith. He is the one man I can open up with completely. He understands what I struggle with, and he has gone out of his way to love me so many times. We’ve fought with each other many times during the earlier days, but it was because he knew I needed it to see how selfish I was. He has helped me realize so much about myself and the potential I have to be significant in others’ lives. He has impacted my life like no other person here on earth. All I can do for Keith is thank him so much for all he’s done.

Well, I finally figured out why this Bible study is fun and exciting. Though, I don’t think I’ll tell you why, reader. There are some things that can’t be told or read in the news. It takes something more personal than that. All I know is that when I met Xenos, I, really, was meeting someone else.

Well, Keith challenged me earlier in the week. I was greatly depressed over events that occurred at Prom, and I was asking Keith for help. He asked me if the Lord has shown me anything through his Word recently, and I said honestly, no. Then he told me unless I am willing to become a self-feeder of the Word; he had no sympathy for me being depressed. I went and began to read Acts (Keith suggested I’d start with that), and once I received some insight from the Lord then he’d be willing to talk. It’s been a couple of days, but I wanted to wait patiently rather than hurriedly come to him with some bullshit answer… This is the insight I received today…

A Useless Life

Today is the last full day of high school for me. I received plenty of hugs from my friends who I know I will probably never see again. The teachers wished us luck in college and our careers. The whole end-of-the-year shebang! Well, I was walking out of my government class to head for my final class at high school. I said to my friend before she walked away, “You know it’s kind of sad. Most of the seniors now will never see each other again for the rest of their lives. A whole new set of friends will reappear at college, and then that will move on as well. Once they hit their careers, they have nobody but the people they work with. After that, you end up being an old man who doesn’t even have any friends anymore! What a wasted life, don’t you think?” Well my friend simply nodded her head. She was somewhat clueless to the words I said. I think she just wanted to head out of school finally.

I began to think about what I just said. What a wasted life that really would be! Everyone goes around spending a net worth of billions of dollars over their lifetimes, and what’s at the end of the road? A coffin that has your name on it. Isn’t that sick? Isn’t that unfair? Isn’t that depressing? It’s all of those! This is the great result of the kosmos! A wooden box that holds your dead body forever! Why doesn’t anyone think about this? Why do I find myself so easily caught up in little things like Prom or getting depressed over who likes me or doesn’t like me? It’s because the world is counterfeit, and it’s got us fooled in more ways than one. Then the coolest thought flashed in my brain.

The Life of a King

I am so incredibly blessed. I have friends who I will be spending an eternity with! Not even death will separate us! I got my brothers and sisters in Christ! I can move through life with people who care for me and want to see me become what the Lord has planned for me! Then something hit me like a ton of bricks just minutes ago when I was chatting with Kate! The reason why it’s so depressing knowing that growing up to die alone is because it isn’t what is planned for us!! The Lord’s plan for us as a nation is to be co-rulers in Christ!! He wants us to leave this world with significance!

I thought of this great picture of a King returning from a great war to his home in great victory! He’s glorified by all who are affected by his great efforts of love and victory and are eternally grateful to him! He returns to his throne with joy and rest. This is how the Lord wants us to return to his throne! Not as some old, senile men with nothing to offer!

Ephes. 1:19-21

    I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power [20] that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. [21] Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else in this world or in the world to come.

Christ has been given authority over everything in this world! And he wants us to share in that same glory!!

Ephes. 2:4-7

    But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, [5] even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), [6] and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, [7] so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

We have been given everything through Christ Jesus! Instead of a life-sized box to rot in for the rest of eternity, Christ gave us co-rulership over everything in this world for the rest of eternity! This is the hope we are anchored in. The fact that the Lord gave us the world through Christ’s death and resurrection is completely mind-blowing, and it’s pretty humbling in times of being bitter and depressed. I have no viable excuse to brood over what happens to me. Instead, I’ve been given eternal royalty with Christ, and I have a reason to share this awesome news with others.

The Lord has shown me some great insight, and it’s the fact that I’m a Co-ruler, a King, and an adopted son of God. Is Prom worth getting hung up over? I think I’m beginning to see the Lord’s big picture here. I hope you guys can too. That’s what I got from investing some times in Acts, a mind set on the Spirit rather than a mind set on the flesh. My goal is to read at least three chapters a day of the word, and beginning to rely on the Spirit for insight into others’ lives and a deeper understanding of God’s incredible plan for this world…

The teaching started out pretty much how I was expecting it to. Plenty of singing to make your mind go numb! (No offense). I’m just not much of a gospel singer, which is odd because I love to sing. I guess I just find it irrelevant in the sense that I don’t much knowledge from it, or perhaps I just like sitting down the whole time, like at school. It does me some good to sing every once in a while, I guess. The teaching itsel was interesting to say in the least. It was odd. I couldn’t fully understand what the whole message was. He presented two options in choosing what we’d want to do. Painting this beautiful painting across an entire church (forgot the name of it), or helping the pastor paint his down-graded garage. I thought it would be much more serving to help him out with the garage rather then just wallowing in my self-brilliance in painting. He was trying to make a different point, in that we should strive to be able to paint the church, something that is beautiful, and it lasts forever. The garage would only last a couple more years. I guess it makes sense… I was thinking being a steward of Christ to others would be what we wanted to strive towards, not basking in the glory of our own creation, but I think he was trying to paint a picture for the beauty of heaven. What things will be like past this life, which is cool. The Word wasn’t heavily relied on, and it was serious throughout the whole teaching… No comic relief anywhere! It was pretty tough to sit through, but we did manage to sing a song at the end! They always brighten the mood! Haha… I’m such an evil mel! My sarcasm is going to ruin me one day! Haha.

An Absence of God’s Rest

Well after the whole shbeal with the chapel, we went around campus looking for the parties. We didn’t find many, and what we did they weren’t very partying. As much as I’d like to disagree with Keith, Akron is much of a partying campus. Not many college dudes are out and about. We headed over to Taco Hell to grab some grub and have a party of our own. It was a blast! I really love these dudes in our fellowship. I am truly blessed to be a part of this group of dudes who give a shit about me, even though it involves agitating me in every possible way. I gotta be grateful for that, though, because I’d be super uptight if they didn’t help me to loosen up, at least a little bit. When we got back to Kyle’s, I drove Greg back home and then headed home myself.

So, Greg pointed out to me something he noticed. He pointed out that it seems like I’ve been without Joy, without God’s rest. I gave my usual response to a deep and sensitive question. The “I don’t know, I don’t think so, possibly… I don’t know.” It’s really ambiguous and pointless to say because it’s very vague and passive. His point, though, is right. I’m not living in God’s rest; I’ve been living in confusion, isolation, and anger.

A couple of weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a very hard decision to make because my emotions made every attempt to cloud my judgment. I didn’t ‘guard my heart’ I willingly gave it away. It was a stupid decision. It became apparent to me that I royally fucked up with my relationship, and it had to end before I tied into her even more. The Lord gave me his strength and courage though, and we ended it. It was a relieving experience the next couple days, but over the weeks I feel lonely. It’s completely irrational because I have so many relationships that provide me with fruit and love.

Fallenness Sucks!

This past weekend, we went to look at a house in Kent. It was a real blast! The house had an enormous family room, which would be perfect for doing ministry, but it’s in Kent, and I’m going to Akron. When I told my parents we were looking at Kent too, they didn’t like it, at all. I got in a huge argument with them about it, trying to explain why Kent was a viable reason to be looking into, but they still thought Akron was the way to go all the way. It left me feeling confused about everything with college. I didn’t know what to major in anymore. I didn’t know who to trust in, my parents or Keith. I began to feel like I was being manipulated by others. I just wanted to start a ministry house; I didn’t care where or how. I felt like my thoughts and ideas had no purpose. I, honestly, felt like a drone, just doing what I’m told. I still feel a bit like that. I feel pushed, but I have no basis for my judgment. My emotions fuck up the truth. The devil has been playing his cards, and he’s been winning some hands.

I need prayers, our upcoming college ministry needs prayers for its direction. I’ve been working on my memory verses, and they’ve been helping a lot. I’m struggling with having a thankful heart, because gratitude is the difference between life and death for me… Read my Laws of Life Paper! It’s on one of these blogs! Thanks for reading guys. I love my brothers and sisters in Christ. They all play very significant roles in my life, and I could go on forever about how grateful I am. I really hope we get a ministry house this year, living with these guys is going to be one of the greatest experiences of my life; though, it’s going to suck ass all through it! Haha…